you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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