singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
