You surviving the open bar?
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I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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