ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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