oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
