that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
