You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
