doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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