So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
