I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
