i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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