True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You made out with two different species that night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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