Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
