...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
