Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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