he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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