Someone shit on the floor
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
