Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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