My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
