My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My day in three words: secret purse cake
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.