why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
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Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another