I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually