I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.