my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
