Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.