So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY