I'm so fucking centered right now
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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