i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
