i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
