Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't turn off my feet"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
