i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
