He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
