Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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