That's intense
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
