Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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