Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
