You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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