and you said cock pushups were impossible
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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