That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
