i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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