We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
