i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
