someone owes me an orgasm
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
