he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
