Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
no, he came in my armpit
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
