if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
