His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
