This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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