Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
