I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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