Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
