Umm I'm too high to move.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
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she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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