I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
