they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
