I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
