what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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