so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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