i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
