paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
