I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm at about main and main street
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
