carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
