i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
