I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
