found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
