Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
