So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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