ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
