come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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