Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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