I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
