my vag is so smooth its legendary
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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