Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
