Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
