my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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