I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
