Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
