Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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