I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
