i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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