I heard we made out
I didn't shave. On purpose
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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