You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
